I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Friday, January 9, 2009

Broadsides by Antonia Zerbisias ~ Backlash or how I sympathize with some men but we feminists are still an underclass of victims

The following is my response to an Antonia Zerbisias blog column here http://thestar.blogs.com/broadsides/2009/01/what-was-meant-to-be-a-column-about-how-much-i-love-men----from-my-late-father-and-uncles-to-my-brother-and-brothers-in-law-t.html?cid=144554640#comments

In her somewhat rambling column she quotes a Grandmother as follows:

Today I received an email from one distraught grandmother. Read it and weep:

Like most people, I always heard stories about deadbeat dads. It was always the father that was detached from his children and refusing to support them financially. Now we are on the other side of the story, the one that doesn't get heard.
Our son has endured over 9 years of fighting with the mother of his child. He has every right to be angry for all that she has put him and our grandson through but somehow, he keeps going . He has always paid not only the court mandated support but half of everything that our grandson needs.
We have a firm rule that nothing is to be said against his mother while he is with us. That is not to be noble but because we know it can only hurt GS but because we have read that the parent who runs down the other parent will eventually be called to task by the child. It does not work that way in her home. One of my most vivid memories of GS is while all four of us were at the cottage. My husband and I returned from grocery shopping. Our son was in the livingroom and he looked upset. GS had fallen off the dock while doing something he wasn't supposed to do. He had gone ballistic while being corrected and had gone into his room and wouldn't talk. I asked if I could have a try. I can still see that dear little boy, maybe 5, he was standing in a puddle of water. His baseball cap was firmly on his head while water dripped down his face. I starting talking. I told him how much his daddy loved him. I said his daddy loved him more than anything else in the world. He said that his mommy loved him more. I changed my words and told him that his daddy loved him more than he loved anybody else. His next words were," Daddy doesn't love me at all. He doesn't care about anybody but himself." Those are not the words of a 5 year old child. They are the words of a woman who has told this child for all of his life that his father doesn't love him, doesn't want him and will someday leave him and not be there for him.
I am sorry that I am rambling but I want you to know that there are at least some of these men like my son who love their children and have to fight on a daily basis for access to them. These men have to fight the lies of women who for whatever reason don't want their children to love them. I don't know where I son got the strength to go through this with the grace and courage that he does. I am so proud of him and how hard he has tried to get psychological help for GS but he can't without the mother's consent. Please try to understand that there are some of these men who are just not able to keep going and maintain their sanity with the obstacles they face from bitter, angry ex-wives and girlfriends.

My observations follow:

The email from the distraught Grand Mother fits into the classic alienation pattern that exists. It is not only the dad that is impacted. It can be the reverse situation as well - when dad is the alienator. Check out the 2007 Ontario Court Turnbull decision regarding the latter.

Alienation by one parent against the other impacts all of the extended family on the target's side. It is cruel emotional abuse of children no matter what the gender of the alienator. Grandparents, sisters, cousins aunts, uncles are all impacted and all hurt to varying degrees.

When you are the target you sit in stunned disbelief that the children with which you had a former loving relationship are spewing vitriol and invective from the mothers brainwashing.

The damage to the children can be life lasting and will impact their relationships with others. I share my experiences with many mothers in the same boat and the founder of Parental Alienation Awareness Org. is a Canadian female.

I was a former quiet stay-at-home dad who evolved into an alienated father then became a Father's Rights Activist having disputes with feminists. Why? Most feminist organizations, like NOW call Parental Alienation "junk science" and a ruse by men who are abusive to try and get custody of the children. They have yet to explain to me the situation when the dad is the alienator rather than the mom in any rational manner. In my case I believe custody should be 50-50 shared and equal. I was the main care giver but the children need both mom and dad in their lives.

I, of course, will debate with any feminist that their mantra it is junk is just plain wrong to my last breath. It is a false premise and so we get into these gender wars. Perhaps the feminists in this group have a different view point but then you all call yourself feminists so how can we distinguish which branch you are in? I'm not being comedic or rhetorical. Just as there are MR groups who occupy various political extremities so there is as well with feminist groups.

Perhaps you haven't visited some of the more extreme feminist blogs.

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