I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Saturday, July 11, 2009

In New Zealand ~ Despairing dad's suicide vote

Last updated 05:00 12/07/2009
Sunday News, July 12

A FATHER locked in a bitter custody battle says he will have his case published in a publicly distributed pamphlet, inviting readers to vote on whether he should commit suicide.

Men's rights campaigner Jim Bagnall says his group, Coalition of Fathers, supports the dad and the pamphlet-drop will help raise awareness of their cause.

"I will be distributing pamphlets with a summary of his story and his phone number, and then he can evaluate how many messages he gets either yes or no whether he should commit suicide or not," Bagnall told Sunday News.

But the move has been slammed by Mensline and Suicide Prevention New Zealand, and is potentially a breach of the Crimes Act.

The man, in his 40s, said he had been driven to despair through his unsuccessful attempts in the Family Court to gain access to his daughters.

"I've been to court 12 times. There's no hope for people like me, I don't fit in any more," said the man, who cannot legally be named. "You take someone's children away and you take away their hopes for living."

The man, an immigrant, said he moved to New Zealand with his then-partner to start a new, safe life.

But the relationship dissolved and his ex got custody of the girls. He said his access had been further limited because of allegations his former partner made against him.

"I've told my family back home that I've had enough," he told Sunday News. "I've had two breakdowns and I am at the point now where I don't care, because they'll either kill me or I'll do something."

Bagnall claims the man's case isn't unique. He says separated fathers routinely have access limited to children the moment their ex makes an allegation against them.

"(The man) can only see his children under supervised access," Bagnall said. "(His suicide vote) is drastic but what other options has he now got left?"

But Mensline's Denis Bunbury says the planned move is dangerous. "I think he may feel his circumstances are very extreme, and one can understand why he feels that way," Bunbury said. "But it is not constructive."

Suicide Prevention New Zealand director Merryn Statham said: "To use somebody taking their life as an opportunity to draw attention to your cause in this country is unethical. If that man loses his life, his children are the ones that suffer the most. He's experiencing extreme distress. The group (Coalition of Fathers) should recognise the extreme risk the member is experiencing at the moment. There is help available."

Under the Crimes Act it is a crime to "incite, counsel, or procure any person to commit suicide. But Bagnall says: "I wouldn't call it promoting suicide, I would call it advising what is going on in the courts."He says his group predicts people will vote "No" and advise the man to keep fighting to get back his children.


Anonymous said...

Any father who chooses to paint himself as martyr for parental alienation rather than dealing with it makes me wonder about his parenting skills. On the bright side, at least he isn't killing them, like the moms and dads at http://www.familylawcourts.com/kids.html

OR catch this video at -

Or maybe he could get a grip as he's just hurting himself and two innocent kids. Consider making a video here, at the brand new,

Michael J. Murphy said...

You remind me of my ex. Her mental health is such she can't empathize with anyone. Her narcissistic personality causes her to emotionally abuse two innocent children but it meets her own not easily controllable urges to exercise control of me.

There's lots of those kinds of parents out there, male and female. I know some mom's who have been alienated and have contemplated suicide. I know some adult children who were alienated and still ponder it from time to time.

You say he could get a grip. What do you think suicide is? It's the loss of the grip.

The man obviously needs help but it is far less available for him than it is for his ex. The upshot of it all is the children are in far more danger in her custody and will suffer far more social deprivation than if shared and equal custody was an option.

Those who contemplate suicide are at the end of their rope, figuratively and literally. Parenting skills, if they exist, aren't in the picture.

Men kill themselves in Canada at 3x's the rate of women. someday someone will do analysis on the reasons. It might help others who contemplate such a desperate act.