Parental alienation involves the systematic brainwashing, poisoning and manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent. My story involves this form of child abuse & exploring the bias favouring a mother in the social ecosystem around Family Law.
I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.
This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.
CALGARY, TORONTO, March 2, 2009: Men’s and Father’s groups will hold a demonstration on March 6, 2009 at the Intercontinental Toronto Convention Centre, at 225 Front Street West followed by a march to the Ontario Legislative building (Queen’s Park) to demand the immediate dishonorable dismissal of Mr. Justice Paul Cosgrove of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice.
A Canadian Judicial Council (CJC) inquiry committee found that the conduct of Justice Cosgrove constituted judicial misconduct, he has admitted to the misconduct. On December 4, 2008, in a 4-1 decision, the committee found grounds for recommending to the federal justice minister that Justice Cosgrove be removed from office.
The misconduct of the judge in the context of the trial in R. v. Julia Elliott the case that sparked the complaint by the Attorney General of Ontario was in fact not isolated to that case.
Justice Cosgrove is unwavering he wants to be reinstated to the bench, depending upon testimonies from numerous judges of his track record in family law cases.
We men, fathers and supporters condemn vehemently the track record of Justice Cosgrove as it is filled with abuse of judicial power and clear and direct bias against fathers and men, in some cases the abuse was described by other judges as irrational.
“The public confidence in the judiciary who preside upon family law cases has been eroded and now it is broken. Cosgrove, exit the judicial chamber of abuse and incite other judges like you who commit similar but undetected judicial abuse of power to follow, you are a disgrace to Canadian justice.” says Gus Sleiman, President of the Men’s Educational Support Association, (MESA).
The demonstration is set for March 6, 2009 in front of the Intercontinental Toronto Convention Centre at 9:30 am, followed by a march to start at approx. 1:00 pm to City Hall, then to the Court of Appeal of Ontario, 130 Queen Street West, then to Ontario Superior Court of Justice, 393 University, and to end at Queen’s Park.
For further information please contact:
Gus Sleiman
MESA
(403) 228-6366
“Preserving the Integrity of Fatherhood for the Sake of the Children”
Lets keep it simple. It is a persistent series of behaviors by someone, usually a parent, to denigrate, bash, insult, reject and otherwise treat in a negative fashion a target, usually the other parent. Other extended family members can get involved to exacerbate and accelerate the process. This conduct is undertaken by both mothers and fathers and is most prevalent in a divorce or separation. Personal experience shows it occurring prior to separation if the home situation is acrimonious. Some spouses, in an attempt to gain allies, recruit their children prior to break-up and use them to get a "leg up" in divorce and custody battles.
The actions of the alienating parent can be subtle or overt. Some parents do not realize early on the impact of their actions on the child or children and others do it deliberately knowing full well the desired outcome. Dr. Richard Warshak, a leading expert on PA states, "alienated children relate to one parent, but not the other, in a consistently negative manner." The children will insult you continuously often using the very words the alienating parent stated to them to describe you. They will bad mouth you to friends, not want to be seen with you, particularly around their friends, and will tell you frequently what they do related to the home they occupy with the alienating parent is none of your business. This includes school, medical, dental, extra curricular activities and especially their social relationships with others. They are completely loyal to your former partner and the target is the enemy. In the worst of cases the child will lose all memory of your extended family and will even impact their recollection of older siblings who were the target's children with another wife even if there was a very close relationship beforehand. When the latter happens the child may well be suffering from what Dr. Richard Gardner and others since him have termed Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). This is a condition where the child has rejected the other parent completely without justification by the actions described above from the other parent.
It is not yet in the DSM -Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diagnostic_and_Statistical_Manual_of_Mental_Disorders and as a result some view PAS as junk science. These are mostly feminists or their sympathizers. It can take a long time for a particular disorder to go in the DSM. Tourettes Syndrome took decades upon decades. Homosexuality used to be in it as a disorder. It was removed. The following is the American Psychological Association (APA) http://www.apa.org/official position on it at this writing.
The American Psychological Association (APA) believes that all mental health practitioners as well as law enforcement officials and the courts must take any reports of domestic violence in divorce and child custody cases seriously. An APA 1996 Presidential Task Force on Violence and the Family noted the lack of data to support so-called "parental alienation syndrome", and raised concern about the term's use. However, we have no official position on the purported syndrome.
They do, however, have a good deal of information on PAS on their site and recommend some of Dr. Gardner's books in terms of trying to evaluate a patient.
You can get a lot of good information directly from http://www.paawareness.org/. The founder of this International group, Sarvy Emo, is a Canadian from the GTA and a most helpful, even handed person despite the emotional component of being alienated from your child or children. Therein lies the answer to those of us who have experienced this incredibly and excruciatingly agonizing form of both child and parent abuse. It is hatred toward a target parent using innocent children as a pawn. We know it exists and we have seen the symptoms first hand.
If you suspect you are being alienated do not be passive. It is your worst enemy. Giving your partner time to continue the alienation process will result in a harder job for you to recover your children's loving feelings. Read everything you can on the internet relating to PA, especially from those who have gone through it. There are many good books on it. One I've come to rely on is Dr. Warshak's "Divorce Poison." What he says in it is from practical experience in his practice and an alienated parent can identify easily with his case studies. He offers helpful suggestions on counter acting the problem.
This leads us to creating greater awareness of this heartbreaking form of child abuse. Every April 25th is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. This year will be the 4th Annual PAA day. The official website can be accessed here. http://www.paawarenessday.org/. On this site it will explain to you how to volunteer in your community to help get a proclamation. On this page you can get a very good idea of how the movement toward creating greater awareness is growing world wide based on events on April 25, 2006-2008. http://www.paawareness.org/events.asp
The following is a direct quote from the web site.
"WHY HAVE AN AWARENESS DAY?
If more people knew about how Parental Alienation and Hostile Aggressive parenting works, and how damaging these behaviors are to children, then more people can help deal with the problem.
With awareness and education will come social change. Just as now one can't slap a child, or smoke while pregnant, without everyone knowing that is not acceptable behavior, when social change happens, parents behaving in parental alienation or hostile aggressive parenting behaviors will be recognized. These adults will understand how their behavior hurts their own children, and if they choose to do it regardless, they will not be able to get away with their behavior as easily as today.
There are many professionals such as judges, lawyers, psychiatrists, teachers, police officers, as well the general public that have no idea this problem exists, or if they do, don't realize the harm it does. The aim of the Awareness Day is to make everyone aware of these problems and encourage the alienating, hostile aggressive parents to seek help.
With awareness comes education, and with education, comes the power to stop the mental and emotional abuse of children.-Sarvy Emo"
A sample letter to send to your Mayor, MP, MLA, MPP, PM, Premier is as follows:
Dear (X)
April 25th is designated as Parental Alienation Awareness Day. Official proclamations have been made in many countries, states and cities around the world. The event is active within the following countries currently. Austria, Australia, Belgium, Bermuda, Canada, Czech Republic, England, Germany, Italy, Mexico, Poland, South Africa, United Kingdom, and the United States. Within the U.S.A. 17 States have proclaimed this day. The International Organization behind the raising of awareness was founded by a Canadian woman and has grown steadily over the past 5 years.
Perhaps you are asking yourself what this thing called Parental Alienation is. Clearly that is why we are wanting to raise awareness as it is not very well understood and so we are eliciting your help.
Parental Alienation (PA) is a form of child abuse that involves the systematic persuasion and manipulation of children both overtly, and with subtle behaviors that results in the destruction of a loving relationship they once shared with a parent.
The child can suffer "collateral" damage through simple exposure to the conflict or if used as a weapon against the other parent.
PA is a case of rage over reason, and inevitably scars all involved-children, "target" spouse, and perpetrator. For the child, such damage can last well into adulthood, a lifetime in some cases, and be the cause of tragic consequences.
Most people do not know about PA until they experience it.
Parental Alienation Awareness Day has been organized for the benefit of both:
-- the children who may suffer Parental Alienation;
-- the adults on whom these children depend for emotional stability - their parents.
I am asking you to give consideration to proclaiming, within your area of jurisdiction, April 25, 2009 and each successive year following. The websites for more information are here http://www.paawarenessday.org/ and here http://www.paawareness.org/.
Thank you
Yours truly,
Mike Murphy
Sault Ste. Marie, ON
Just add your own name to the salutation.
Later this month a major International conference on PA is being held in Toronto. Some of our colleagues in F4J Canada and the equal parenting movement are presenters.
The Canadian Symposium For Parental Alienation Syndrome (CS-PAS), is an educational conference for Canadian and international mental health professionals, family law attorney's and other professionals dedicated to the prevention and treatment of Parental Alienation and Parental Alienation Syndrome.
CS-PAS has generously offered our GOLD members a $100.00 rebate to this event. To upgrade or become a GOLD member for only $10, click here.
In order to qualify for your rebate, you will have to put the letters 'PAAO' after your last name when registering.
Parental Alienation - Canadian Court Rulings
Updated August 6, 2008
All Canadian laws, including provincial, territorial and federal laws, and many court decisions can be viewed for free on the website of the Canadian Legal Information Institute at: www.CANLII.org
The reference to Carswell: Carswell is a legal information publisher.
Alberta
Elliott v. Elliott, A.J. No. 74 DRS 96-05285 Action No. 4806-10272 Alberta Crt of Queen's Bench, Jud. Dist. of Lethbridge/Macleod, Jan 25, 1996.
Elliott v. Elliott, 1996 Carswell Alta 95, 193 A.R. 177, 135 W.A.C. 177, 27 R.F.L. (4th) 23 Alberta Court of Appeals. Nov 7, 1996 (Affirmed--Appeal Dismissed)
Johnson v. Johnson, No. 4806-11508a, Jud Dist. of Lethbridge/Macleod, Oct. 09, 1997
Her Majesty the Queen vs. K.C. Superior Court of Justice, Ontario, County of Durham, Central-East Region, Court File No. 9520/01. August, 9, 2002. (Mohan Test)
Petternuzzo-Deschene v. Deschene, Ontario Superior Court of Justice, Docket: 22661. 2007 WL 22984642007 (Ont. S.C.J.), Carswell Ont 5095. August 8, 2007. [specifically mentions PAS and cites a description of alienating behavior as abuse]
J.K.L. v. N.C.S., 2008 CanLII 30289 (ON S.C.) — 2008-04-22, Ontario — Superior Court of Justice, child — severe PAS — parent — father — time cited by3 cases, Turnbull decision transferring custody to Mother, 13 year old son sent to therapy, Dr. Richard Warshak Expert Witness.
A.G.L. v. K.B.D., Ontario Superior Court of Justice,Court File No.: 99-FP-246860FIS, Date: 20090116, J. Mcwatt decision changing custody of 3 daughters to father after 10 years of PA. Severe PAS, Dr. Richard Warshak Expert Witness. Mother to be restrained from seeing children for a time.
S.G.B. v. S.J.L., 2009 CanLII 4523 (ON S.C.) — 2009-02-06, Ontario — Superior Court of Justice , arbitrator — father — children's best interests — parental alienation — apprehension of bias.
To get up-to-date information on your province go tohttp://www.canlii.org/en/index.php, click on your geographic preference to the left, type Parental Alienation into full text, type in decision date on left, 2008 (or year you want) and then type 2009 on the right or leave blank. Click on search.
A short list of Books I recommend on the subject of PA and the need for dads in the lives of their children.:
DivorcePoison (takes you to Dr. Warshaks Divorce Poison control Centre), Dr. Richard Warshak ( I recommend this highly, very up-to-date with helpful remedies.)Check your library for availability.
A Kidnapped Mind, Pamela Richardson, with Jane Broweleit, A tragic Canadian Story of PAS, Pamela is a speaker at the PAA conference in Toronto in the Saturday March 28, 2009 session.
Children Held Hostage, Link takes you to F.A.C.T. website for a review. Dealing with Programmed and Brainwashed Children, S. Clawer PHD, Brynne V. Rivlin, M.S.S., Section of Family Law, American Bar Association
Cheated, Ron & Ariel Smith. A story of a father who would not give up on his alienated children. Ron founded “Children Need both Parents, Inc.
Save the Males, Why men matter - Why women should care, Kathleen Parker. Kathleen was raised by a single dad. She is an inspiration for fathers. The link is to a blog discussing her work and the book.
A Promise to Ourselves, A Journey Through Fatherhood and Divorce, Alec Baldwin. Set aside politics and read the book. Conservative MRA’s call Baldwin names due to his Liberal politics. but his experience has no politics. It is, for many of us, despite different political outlooks the same terrible experience of alienation and court injustice. The link is to the NY Times review of the book.
Adult Children of Parental Alienation Syndrome: Breaking the Ties That Bind, Dr. Amy Baker, A speaker at the PAA conference in Toronto in the Friday evening session March 27, 2009 session at 8:00 PM. A book signing follows at 10:00.PM. She researched adult children who were subjected to PA and discusses the impacts on their lives. Her web site was not working at this writing. http://www.amyjlbaker.com/
Excerpts from the book.
Characteristics of Adult Victims of Parental Alienation*
Parents are divorced 75%
They are divorced 58%
Suffered from depression 70%
Problems with drugs or alcohol 35%
Estranged from their own children 50%
Recent News on PAS
The most recent news from the Family Courts with respect to the recognition of PAS was the McWatt decision in January, 2009.The following is excerpted from the National Post. Click on the link below to read the rest. If it is not complete or you want more go to my blogs for other articles on this decision.. Select articles from this page here: http://www.google.ca/cse?cx=partner-pub-0316852357338142%3Avdf5or7sybb&ie=ISO-8859-1&q=McWatt&sa=Search
The PDF of this decision can be download in the case law section above as can the Turnbull decision of 2008. Both are near the bottom of the list under Ontario.
Parental Alienation Videos
Three Keys to Healing PA. Note when this video finishes others will appear at the bottom. Click on anyone to view.
The future is right before our eyes. Another step toward the removal of men, except those who like to play with themselves in cubby holes and have put their seed in little cups for money. What's the definition of a whore again? Men, as usual, will be good for their sperm and their wallet. Who else is going to pay all the entitlements and the taxes required to pay all the other entitlements. This is social engineering beyond the pale and these socialists have not learned one lesson in their 14 years in power about the ruination of the family and its consequential social problems. They are the canary in the coal mine over there in the U.K. and men better wake up to the fact we are becoming redundant - except for the aforesaid above. Its a pity so many men are asleep at the ...cubby hole! What was that they said men think with?MJM
Another blow to fatherhood: IVF mothers can name ANYONE as 'father' on birth certificate
Family values were under attack again last night with the news that single women having IVF will be able to name anyone they like as their baby's father on the birth certificate. New regulations mean that a mother could nominate another woman to be her child's 'father'. The 'father' does not need to be genetically related to the baby, nor be in any sort of romantic relationship with the mother.
Critics have sounded a warning about the ability of single women who have successful IVF treatment to nominate a person as the 'father' Critics said a woman could list her best friend on the birth certificate. The word 'father' may even be replaced with the phrase 'second parent'. The second parent, who will have to consent to being named, will take on the legal and moral responsibilities of parenthood.
This raises the spectre of a legal minefield in which female 'fathers' will fight for visitation rights and be chased for child support payments if their fragile relationship with the mother breaks down. The changes, due to come in on April 6, will apply to many of the 2,000 women a year who have IVF using sperm from anonymous donors. The regulations are part of the controversial Embryology Bill passed by Parliament last year. The Human Fertilisation and Embryology Authority said they will give lesbian couples in civil partnerships who undergo IVF the same rights as married heterosexual couples.
An unmarried man whose girlfriend has fertility treatment will also find it easier to claim full parental rights.
The new rules state: 'The women receiving treatment with donor sperm (or embryos created with donor sperm) can consent to any man or woman being the father or second parent.' The only exemption is close blood relatives.
Critics said the change would lead to the role of father being downgraded to the one of godfather and warned that the child would be the one to lose out.
Baroness Deech, a former chairman of the HFEA, said the practice would lead to the ' falsification of the birth certificate'.
She said: 'This is putting the rights of the parents way above those of the child. It is absurd that anyone can be named as the father or the second parent.'
Dr Trevor Stammers, a GP and lecturer in healthcare ethics, questioned the strength of the relationships or friendships between the mother and 'father'.
He said: 'There is no doubt from sociological evidence accumulated over the past few years that children do best in a two-parent married family with heterosexual couples being the married parents. 'It probably will be the child that is the loser but by the time we find that out, in 15 or 16 years, a huge amount of damage will have been done.'
Geraldine Smith, Labour MP for Morecambe, said a birth certificate should be a true record of a child's genetic heritage. She added: 'I don't think the state should collude with parents to conceal the true genetic identity.' David Jones, a professor of bioethics, likened the role of second parent to that of godparent. He added: 'This sounds like social engineering on the hoof.'
Philippa Taylor, of Christian charity CARE, said: 'We are going to get to the point where a birth certificate is not going to be a true statement of anyone's biological heritage.'
Former Tory leader Iain Duncan Smith said a father played an essential role in the development of a child. He added: 'The present Government seems not to care a damn about families.
'Teenage pregnancy is on the increase, abortion is on the increase, family breakdown is at record levels and we have got a growing number of dysfunctional children that are the product of broken homes. 'The lesson seems to be loud and clear to me that fathers are required.'
Tory MP Ann Widdecombe said the change would destroy the 'basic nature' of a man and a woman bringing up a child together as parents.
Other critics said that Labour's family and benefit policies support and reward single parents at the expense of couples and have sidelined marriage as a lifestyle choice with no value for children. The HFEA said it was unlikely for the actual sperm donor to be named on the birth certificate because the sample is normally obtained from a sperm bank.
It added that the welfare of the child would always come first and any person nominated as a second parent would have counselling to ensure they understood the implications
“The job of a father is this : to help his children develop, to teach them to express and master their emotions; to avoid physiological distress, to provide a context for their experiences; to help them persevere, reach their goals and take on responsibilities; and to instil the roles of citizen, partner and parent. In short, it is to fill their bellies with bread, their brains with wisdom and their hearts with love and courage.” Camil Bouchard, “On Father’s Ground” 2002.
Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?" ~ George Bernard Shaw ~ also quoted by Robert F. Kennedy, US Senator and Presidential Candidate assassinated in 1968.
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. ~ Robert Frost
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win. - Mahatma Gandhi
Canadian & World Wide Petitions on Shared & Equal Parenting
Go to the two petition sites and add your name to this national & worthwhile worldwide effort to get Shared and Equal Parenting in Canada & every country in the world.
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Some Gems on relationships
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
The motto of this Father's Rights Activist
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again ... and who, at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt,
Facts on violence in Canada Domestic and Otherwise
Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile, 2009.
Of the nearly 19 million Canadians who had a current or former spouse in 2009, 6.2% or 1.2 million reported they had been victimized physically or sexually by their partner or spouse during the five years prior to the survey. This proportion was stable from 2004 (6.6%), the last time the victimization survey was conducted, and down from 1999 (7.4%).
A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000, encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or 601,000 women.
Keep in mind what you see in the paper is what is reported to police. The numbers above from Stats Canada are those based on surveys which are more comprehensive.
Total 611, men 465, women 146 Rate of homicides with firearms has increased 24% since 2002. Handgun use on increase (gangs don't register their weapons) Women victims 24% - lowest proportion ever Men Victims 76% Both the rate of females killed (0.87 per 100,000 population), as well as the proportion (24%), were the lowest since 1961 62 spousal homicides - no change from 2007 Lowest rate in 40 years 45 women 17 (27.4%)men
Many DV homicides of men are not classified as such and this number is higher than 27.4%.
In 2009 based on a million couples it can fairly be said 999,998 wives do not kill their husbands and 999,995 husbands do not kill their wives. (See Pg. 15 chart modified from the rate per 100,000.)
In 2009, 49 women and 15 men were killed by a current or former spouse (excludes one same-sex spousal victim).
Total homicides 610, Men 450. Gang related 20.3 percent. 69.1 % of firearm related deaths involved handguns Women 160, In 2009 it represented the second lowest proportion (26%) of female homicide victims since data were first collected. The rate of female victims has generally been declining since the late 1960s.
I am Politically active and right of centre on most issues with the odd exception such as legalization of "Mary Jane".
I advocate on changes to Family Law - an incredibly dysfunctional arena where parents are pitted against one another and children are the victims.
My picture will sometimes show me as a younger man simply because I like them.
American Coalition for Fathers & Children Petition
A quote by a well known Canadian Jurist
The Honorable Justice John Gomery of Canada stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child. It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”
(The above quote arises from PSM vs. AJC, a decision rendered by Mr. Justice John Gomery on February 15 1991 (SCM 500-12-184613895), and confirmed by the unanimous judgment of the Court of Appeal on June 14 1991, the trial judge was confronted by a case involving four children caught up in a heated custody battle between their parents whereby the children became "catastrophically" alienated from their mother.) A good paper on PAS for lawyers by a lawyer, Anne-France Goldwater (Avocate), and excerpts from the above trial are located here.
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