I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

Social chaos awaits unless Parliament restores restraint

This a is an interesting commentary on the damage done by No Fault Divorce. I certainly support the notion of putting it out of its misery. Its an obvious ticket for wives to walk away with lots of entitlements and they do in 75% of divorce contests as the applicant. The problem is the greener pastures they thought were out there by instigating the divorce aren't in most cases and they end up putting the children they receive "ownership" of by the feministically sensitized judiciary in almost 90% of cases into poverty. In other words the best interest of the children are not met. There are about 27 million fatherless children in North America in 2009 and a myriad of social problems due to judicial social engineering. There are also over 50,000,000 dead children through abortion since the early 70's in North America not including Mexico.MJM

Thursday marked the 40th anniversary of the passage through Parliament of the most calamitous legislation in Canadian history -- an omnibus set of amendments to the Criminal Code introduced by former prime minister Pierre Trudeau that included easier divorce proceedings as well as legalized abortion and the sale of contraceptives.

With rare exceptions prior to 1969, divorce could only be obtained on the proven grounds of adultery. By expanding those grounds to include marital breakdown, Trudeau's omnibus bill cleared the way for a sharp increase in divorces. By 1986, the year before Parliament introduced absolutely no-fault divorce, the national divorce rate was more than 10 times higher than 50 years earlier.

During this period, there has been a sharp rise in the number of lone-parent families in Canada, most of them headed by women. And according to Statistics Canada, the low-income rate for female lone-parent families is four times greater than the average for all families.

Children, of course, are the primary victims of divorce. Study after study confirms that youngsters who grow up without the care and guidance of their natural father are far more likely to live in poverty, suffer from sexual abuse, obtain poor grades in school, end up in trouble with the law and eventually get divorced.

How long will it take for most Canadians to grasp the ruinous consequences of the experiment with no-fault divorce initiated by Trudeau? When will Parliament reform the divorce act to penalize a cruel and selfish parent who for no good reason, breaks up the family home?

In 1969, a few hardy souls warned that legalizing the sale of contraceptives would contribute to a disastrous increase in fornication, adultery and abortion as well as an epidemic of sexually transmitted diseases and other untold miseries for sexually promiscuous people.

Today, of course, any attempt to reinstate constrictions on the sale of contraceptives is out of the question. Canadians are fated to suffer the consequences of this aspect of Trudeau's ill-considered reforms for generations to come.

What, though, about the legalization of abortion? Prior to Trudeau's bill, the deliberate procurement of abortion was a criminal offence in Canadian law punishable by up to life imprisonment.

Supporters of legalized abortion in 1969 claimed that as many as 300,000 Canadian women were annually forced to undergo illegal abortions, most of them in dangerous backroom conditions. That figure was preposterous. And so was the assurance by Trudeau's justice minister, John Turner, during debate on the omnibus bill that its provision for legalizing abortion does not promote abortion.

According to Statistics Canada, there were 11,200 abortions in Canada in 1970, the year Trudeau's bill came into effect. By 1987, that figure had risen to 67,343.

In the 1988 Morgentaler ruling, the Supreme Court of Canada abolished even the few remaining restrictions on abortion in the Criminal Code. And within four years of this calamitous exercise in judicial activism, the annual death toll from induced abortion exceeded 100,000. Altogether, some 3.5 million babies have been deliberately killed by abortion in Canada since 1969.

Now, many of the people who applauded the legalization of abortion in 1969 are beginning to worry about the aging of the Canadian population. No conceivable amount of immigration can reverse this trend. Statistics Canada projects that by 2026, one Canadian in five will be aged 65 or over, up from fewer than one in 10 in 1981.

Who will pay for the crushing costs of health care in 2026? Who will finance soaring expenditures for unfunded Canada Pension Plan and Old Age Security liabilities in the next 20 to 30 years?

Trudeau's misconceived reforms to the Criminal Code have truly had a calamitous impact. There is no more urgent priority for Parliament than to restore some prudent restraints on abortion, divorce and family breakdown. Failure to do so will foster social chaos and undermine the security of Canada as a parliamentary democracy with a recognizable heritage of freedom under law.


More parents share the workload when mom learns to let go

USA Today has recognized gatekeeping by mothers. Perhaps now it will be recognized better how many mothers drive their husbands away from helping more with the children, among other things, and then they complain how little help he is. Compare this kind of gatekeeping occurring within intact families and then visualize how it gets magnified in separation and divorce. Its all about the same thing "ownership."MJM By Sharon Jayson, USA TODAY
Equality is gaining ground at homes across the USA, but the move toward parity leaves some mothers in a quandary; they're ready to share the workload with their partners, but to do that, they'll also have to come to terms with the loss of hierarchy at home.

"Women who want to create this sometimes don't appreciate the level at which they must let go," says Amy Vachon of Watertown, Mass. She and her husband, Marc, have become the standard-bearers for a philosophy called "equally shared parenting."

"It's not so much the stereotypical 'Let my husband dress the kids in things that don't match' — that's the surface, easy stuff. It's more the deep-down letting go — being just fine when your child runs to your husband instead of you when she falls down on the playground," she says. "My first reaction is, 'I hope the other mothers didn't notice because maybe they would judge me.' "

The idea that Mother Knows Best for all things home and family is deeply ingrained and complicated by gender roles, socialization and culture, experts say. And now new research is beginning to help make sense of that maternal angst.

"There are a lot of pressures that keep reinforcing the division of responsibility in parenting that leaves moms in the control position — the 'expert parent' role," says demographer Catherine Kenney of Bowling Green State University in Bowling Green, Ohio, who has studied how mothers' beliefs affect fathers' involvement.

New research into the idea of "maternal gatekeeping" shows how attitudes and actions by the mother may promote or impede father involvement.

"For women who insist they have the gold standard around parenting and housework, men just tend to walk away," says Joshua Coleman, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco and Oakland. "They feel their own ideas about how the house should look or … how the children should be raised aren't given equal share."

Kenney presented research she co-wrote at a meeting of the Population Association of America over the weekend. The study of 1,023 couples from 20 large cities in the USA found mothers were protective of their caregiving and educational engagement with the child but were less so for playtime activities that "were not considered threats to the mother's caregiving identity," the paper says.

"Maybe he's not more involved because mom is holding him back," Kenney says.

Through interviews at the child's birth and at ages 1, 3 and 5, mothers and fathers reported about their own parenting expectations and beliefs as well as the time personally spent in various caregiving activities.

Dad needs woman's support

Other gatekeeping research co-written by Sarah Schoppe-Sullivan, an assistant professor of child development at Ohio State University in Columbus, is significant because it studied actual behaviors rather than just beliefs, and of the 97 couples participating, fathers were more involved in daily care of infants when they received active encouragement from the wife or partner.

"This study provides perhaps the best evidence to date that the phenomenon of maternal gatekeeping exists and that, under some conditions, it may have the potential to affect fathering behavior," says the study, published last year in the Journal of Family Psychology.

Corinna Buchholz, 34, of Portland, Ore., says "gatekeeping is real because you love your child so much and want to say, 'Wait, do it this way.' I try very hard not to because it's somewhat counterproductive."

At the Shippensburg, Pa., home of Catherine Zobal Dent, 37, and Silas Dent Zobal, 35, equality has reached a greater level of sharing.

Both are college English professors who recently left their respective campuses and will share one tenure-track faculty position this fall at Susquehanna University, about 80 miles away. They have a son, Emerson Dent Zobal, 3. A daughter, whom they plan to name Lake Zobal Dent, is due in two weeks.

"My mom strongly identified with the feminist movement," Silas says, explaining a fairness mentality that sometimes even surprises his wife.

Says Catherine: "I have this image in my head of my mother preparing and serving the food and my father being the social conductor. When Silas and I are entertaining colleagues or friends, sometimes I find myself wanting to revert to that position. I'll stand up to clear the table and think it's OK if he continues to sit, but he doesn't. He stands up, too."

Other names for the same approach include "co-parenting," "peer parenting" or "shared care," but the concept "equally shared parenting" the Vachons adopted was first suggested 10 years ago in a book by psychologist Francine M. Deutsch called Halving It All: How Equally Shared Parenting Works.

They've created a website, equallysharedparenting.com. Their book, Equally Shared Parenting: Rewriting the Rules for a New Generation of Parents, will be published in January.

Not 'just a hired hand'

"There are those that absolutely want equally shared parenting. They want a true equal partner who wants an equivalent say," Amy Vachon says. "But I also hear a huge group of people focused on these task divisions. They want a better helper at home, and that is not equally shared parenting."

The Vachons are both 46, and each works outside the home 32 hours a week. She's a clinical pharmacist. He works in information technology for a market research firm. They have two children, Maia, 6, and Theo, 3.

"I want to be an equal partner here," Marc Vachon says, not "just a hired hand."

He says planning a birthday party for their daughter starts with his wife's list of what has to be done — to which he agrees or disputes — before they decide how to divvy up the jobs.

"I don't want to be nagged or reminded," he says. "If I'm watching TV or going to play tennis, she has to trust me as a person living up to my responsibility. I'll get things done. She does not need to worry about it."

That's not what happens in many homes, says Andrea O'Reilly, associate professor of women's studies and director of the Association for Research on Mothering at York University-Toronto.

"She might delegate to her partner, but if you have to do the remembering and the organizing, the planning and the worrying, that's not equality," she says. "The intellectual labor of running a household — that work is still done predominantly by women."

Sampson Lee Blair, an associate professor of sociology at the University at Buffalo, studies division of labor in families. He says decades of research have found a "very sharp gender divide of 'his work' vs. 'her work.' "

For the same-sex couple

Negotiating roles is somewhat different in same-sex couples, says Esther Rothblum, a women's studies professor at San Diego State University.

"It's unusual in same-sex couples that one person does everything and the other person does nothing," she says.

Psychotherapist Anne Coyle, 45, of El Cerrito, Calif., says she and her partner of almost 16 years have "divided it more like a traditional, heterosexual couple" as they parent a son, age 8.

"I pick up Isaac and tend to do more of the cooking and cleaning, whereas Linda tends to work more and bring in more of the income. We're choosing that, and it's each of our preferences," she says.

Schoppe-Sullivan, 34, says that although she and her husband try to share parenting of their 3-year-old equally, she understands what mothers have at stake.

"I have certainly felt ambivalent about relinquishing control over what my daughter wears or eats. There are times when my husband dresses her in an outfit and I think, 'What is he doing?' I try to bite my tongue," she says. "The way your children look, a lot of mothers feel like it reflects on them.

"The way I would describe it is, in the end, society is still not going to come down on the father," she says. "Society is going to come down on you."

READERS: How do you and your spouse split parenting duties?

Links referenced within this article Family life, roles changing as couples seek balance http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-04-18-families-conf_N.htm Can we be married but independent? http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-04-14-marriage-cherlin-QnA_N.htm
Find this article at: http://www.usatoday.com/news/health/2009-05-04-equal-parenting_N.htm