Parental alienation involves the systematic brainwashing, poisoning and manipulation of children with the sole purpose of destroying a loving and warm relationship they once shared with a parent. My story involves this form of child abuse & exploring the bias favouring a mother in the social ecosystem around Family Law.
I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.
This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.
DAY after day this week, Ken Thompson will jump on his trusty bicycle
and
pedal hundreds of miles past some of the most stunning scenery in
Britain.
But from dawn until dusk there is only one beautiful image that will
consume
his thoughts - the face of the cherished son he has travelled thousands
of
miles to find.
Once upon a time, keen cyclist Ken delighted in pulling three-year-old
Andrew
behind him in a little carriage. In fact, he can still recall the
magical
sound of the little boy's laughter as the pair tripped over bumps in the
road and waved to smiling passers-by.
Last chance ... Ken on bike with Andrew's favourite toy
Now there is only a trail of sadness behind Ken after his partner
Melinda
Thompson (nee Stratton), a former nurse, cruelly snatched Andrew from
the
family home in Sydney, Australia, on 24 April 2008 and fled the country.
Her
actions have made her an international fugitive wanted in 200 countries
but
to date, police efforts and Interpol alerts have failed to find her.
Ken, 56, can wait no longer. Melinda, 48, once worked in London and
there is a
possibility she has brought Andrew to the UK so Ken is determined to
take
his crusade to every corner of the country - by bike.
He says: "I will never stop cycling until I find my son. Being apart
from him
has almost broken me but even if I have to search for him forever, I
will do
it. All it takes is one person who knows where Andrew is to see his
picture
on my bike or read our story. I had to think of something that would
attract
attention and I came up with the idea of a bike ride.
"When I have cycled through the UK, I will take my search through
France,
Belgium, Luxembourg, Germany, The Netherlands, Poland, Greece, Italy,
Spain
and Portugal. The alternative is to give up and that's unthinkable."
Ken is cycling with Andrew's favourite toy - a cuddly firefighter called
Bernie Cinders. He explains: "Melinda took all Andrew's toys when she
abducted him except this because I bought it for him. Normally, it lies
in
Andrew's bed that is left untouched in our house but Bernie is with me
on
this trip attached to the bike. If, by a miracle, Andrew catches a
glimpse
of my journey, he will hopefully recognise Bernie."
Ken's relationship with Melinda had a fairytale beginning but an
insecure and
jealous streak soon emerged in his new girlfriend.
Family moments
... Melinda had seemed happy
Ken, the former deputy commissioner of New South Wales Fire Service,
says: "I
met Melinda through a social networking group called Dinner for Six.
It's for busy, professional people who don't have time to date and the
idea is
that six people turn up at a smart restaurant and see how they get
along. On
this particular evening, I was already at the venue when Melinda walked
in
and there was an instant attraction to this intelligent, blonde woman
walking towards the bar.
"Melinda hailed from Perth and told me how she began her career in
nursing.
She left for the UK in her late Twenties and lived in the Docklands area
of
East London. She worked in both private hospitals and NHS accident and
emergency departments. Then she studied for an MBA business degree and
worked in sales and marketing for medical development companies in
Germany
and France.
"She said she had returned to Australia to be close to her family,
although with hindsight it was odd that she had headed for Sydney when
her
family were far away in Perth."
Ken was captivated by his dinner date and the attraction appeared
mutual.
Within months the pair had moved into a smart Sydney suburb and Melinda
was
pregnant with their first child. Ken says: "We both thought we had left
it
too late to have children so Andrew was extra special. He was born on 19
August 2004 and I cut the umbilical chord. I instantly fell in love with
him
and felt an overwhelming need to protect him and Melinda."
Melinda appeared happy in her new role as a mum but pangs of jealousy
and
irrationality had begun to make Ken feel uneasy.
He explains: "She accused me more than once of having an affair
completely out
of the blue. Once I came home from a bike ride and she said I must have
been
with another woman because I didn't look sweaty enough to have been
exercising.
Despite Melinda's mood swings, Ken continued to bond with his son,
taking time
out from his high-powered job to change nappies, engage in bath time and
take his son back and forth to nursery after Melinda returned to work.
He says: "We developed a wonderful bond and would have special times
together.
We loved our bike rides, nature walks in the bush and ball games in the
park. Initially, Andrew had a shy timid nature but by the age of three
he
was developing a healthy interest in pushing the boundaries."
Snippet
from the past ... Ken's picture memories of son Andrew
Sadly, family life in the Thompson household took a sinister turn for
the
worse on 6 December 2007. Ken returned home at 10pm from a rare
Christmas
drinks evening out to find Melinda cold and hostile towards him.
He says: "As usual, she wouldn't discuss her feelings and I assumed she
had
irrationally deduced that I was having an affair and believed it would
blow
over as it normally did - but it didn't."
In the following days, Melinda's behaviour became increasingly strange
and she
began subtly trying to keep father and son apart.
She also accused Andrew's doting 88-year-old grandmother (Ken's mother)
of not
loving her son and said she believed that Andrew's day-care provider had
been bullying him.
Finally, she told Ken she wanted to talk things through with her brother
John,
who also lives in Sydney, and proposed to go with Andrew and live with
him
for a short period. Ken agreed in the vain hope that Melinda's brother
would
help her see sense.
But on 28 January 2008, Ken was left reeling from shock after he found a
note
from Melinda pushed through the door of their home.
He says: "It said that the marriage was over and there was no chance of
reconciliation because she believed I had been abusing Andrew. It also
said
that an investigation was underway by the authorities.
"What it didn't say was that the authorities had already investigated
and
concluded that there was no basis to her claims. I was an absolute mess
but
close friends sensibly pointed me in the direction of a lawyer."
A bitter court battle ensued and Melinda was ultimately in receipt of a
psychiatric report commissioned by a judge that stated she has a
tendency to
interpret innocent behaviour in the most sinister way and added that she
has
a 'serious underlying mental state causing her to form beliefs that
aren't
true.'
Ken says: "The next day she was on a plane. I know that she and Andrew
flew
from Sydney to Singapore and then on to Frankfurt but after that the
trail
went cold. Worryingly, the court psychiatrist has since concluded that
he
has 'serious and grave concerns for Andrew's physical and emotional
safety.'
I HAVE to find my son."
An international search for Andrew has been in progress since his
abduction.
It is the largest search ever undertaken for a child abducted from
Australia. It includes Interpol; the Australian Federal Police; missing
children organisations in the UK; USA; Canada; Europe; Asia, and
Australia.
But so far Andrew, now almost 6, remains hidden.
Ken says: "Melinda is a clever, determined woman and I wouldn't be
surprised
if she is getting help from some sort of underground movement. There is a
strong possibility that she is here in the UK. We used to talk about
going
to live in Europe and she would always say that Britain would be the
best
place to go. So please, please help me to look for my son.
Ken says: "Andrew has lost his dad, his country, his friends, his family
and
even his identity." His eyes fill with tears as he adds: "I don't even
know
if he speaks English any more."
Now Ken can only cycle and hope. He says finally: "I've done everything I
can
possibly do in Australia and I couldn't sit back any longer. I had no
choice
but to get on the road. It may not be for a long time, but one day
Andrew
will know how hard I fought for him and I will never stop."
For more information or to report a sighting of Andrew and Melinda log
onto
findandrew.com.
“The job of a father is this : to help his children develop, to teach them to express and master their emotions; to avoid physiological distress, to provide a context for their experiences; to help them persevere, reach their goals and take on responsibilities; and to instil the roles of citizen, partner and parent. In short, it is to fill their bellies with bread, their brains with wisdom and their hearts with love and courage.” Camil Bouchard, “On Father’s Ground” 2002.
Some men see things as they are and say, "Why?" I dream of things that never were and say, "Why not?" ~ George Bernard Shaw ~ also quoted by Robert F. Kennedy, US Senator and Presidential Candidate assassinated in 1968.
Happiness makes up in height for what it lacks in length. ~ Robert Frost
First they ignore you, then they ridicule you, then they fight you, then you win. - Mahatma Gandhi
Canadian & World Wide Petitions on Shared & Equal Parenting
Go to the two petition sites and add your name to this national & worthwhile worldwide effort to get Shared and Equal Parenting in Canada & every country in the world.
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Eastern Standard Time - North America
Sault Ste. Marie, Ontario
Western Australia (DST from last Sunday in Oct. to last Sunday in March)
Perth, Western Australia
Some Gems on relationships
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.
The motto of this Father's Rights Activist
"It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again ... and who, at the worst, if he fails at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat." Theodore Roosevelt,
Facts on violence in Canada Domestic and Otherwise
Family violence in Canada: A statistical profile, 2009.
Of the nearly 19 million Canadians who had a current or former spouse in 2009, 6.2% or 1.2 million reported they had been victimized physically or sexually by their partner or spouse during the five years prior to the survey. This proportion was stable from 2004 (6.6%), the last time the victimization survey was conducted, and down from 1999 (7.4%).
A similar proportion of men and women reported experiencing spousal violence during the five years prior to the survey. Among men, 6.0% or about 585,000, encountered spousal violence during this period, compared with 6.4% or 601,000 women.
Keep in mind what you see in the paper is what is reported to police. The numbers above from Stats Canada are those based on surveys which are more comprehensive.
Total 611, men 465, women 146 Rate of homicides with firearms has increased 24% since 2002. Handgun use on increase (gangs don't register their weapons) Women victims 24% - lowest proportion ever Men Victims 76% Both the rate of females killed (0.87 per 100,000 population), as well as the proportion (24%), were the lowest since 1961 62 spousal homicides - no change from 2007 Lowest rate in 40 years 45 women 17 (27.4%)men
Many DV homicides of men are not classified as such and this number is higher than 27.4%.
In 2009 based on a million couples it can fairly be said 999,998 wives do not kill their husbands and 999,995 husbands do not kill their wives. (See Pg. 15 chart modified from the rate per 100,000.)
In 2009, 49 women and 15 men were killed by a current or former spouse (excludes one same-sex spousal victim).
Total homicides 610, Men 450. Gang related 20.3 percent. 69.1 % of firearm related deaths involved handguns Women 160, In 2009 it represented the second lowest proportion (26%) of female homicide victims since data were first collected. The rate of female victims has generally been declining since the late 1960s.
I am Politically active and right of centre on most issues with the odd exception such as legalization of "Mary Jane".
I advocate on changes to Family Law - an incredibly dysfunctional arena where parents are pitted against one another and children are the victims.
My picture will sometimes show me as a younger man simply because I like them.
American Coalition for Fathers & Children Petition
A quote by a well known Canadian Jurist
The Honorable Justice John Gomery of Canada stated, “Hatred is not an emotion that comes naturally to a child. It has to be taught. A parent who would teach a child to hate the other parent represents a grave and persistent danger to the mental and emotional health of that child.”
(The above quote arises from PSM vs. AJC, a decision rendered by Mr. Justice John Gomery on February 15 1991 (SCM 500-12-184613895), and confirmed by the unanimous judgment of the Court of Appeal on June 14 1991, the trial judge was confronted by a case involving four children caught up in a heated custody battle between their parents whereby the children became "catastrophically" alienated from their mother.) A good paper on PAS for lawyers by a lawyer, Anne-France Goldwater (Avocate), and excerpts from the above trial are located here.