I have met and heard the tragic stories of many parents. PA is a function, by and large, of a custodial ex-partner, although some alienation can start while the couple is still together.

This blog is a story of experiences and observations of dysfunctional Family Law (FLAW), an arena pitting parent against parent, with children as the prize. Due to the gender bias in Family Law, that I have observed, this Blog has evolved from a focus solely on PA to one of the broader Family/Children's Rights area and the impact of Feminist mythology on Canadian Jurisprudence and the Divorce Industry.

Friday, January 7, 2011

What causes dads to be absent?

The following are my observations on the below article discussing why Hollywood rarely gets the story right.

There is a billion dollar plus industry tied to Divorce and the parallel asymmetric war against men, particularly dads. Misandric Feminism has portrayed women as perpetual victims at the hands of, based on their description of us,  evil and abusive men. It has gone on for over 40 years and now is entrenched in the culture.

Men are the last frontier for ridicule and we white men, according to the feminists, are the worst of the lot. We white males of privilege (WMOP) apparently control everything and not only hold women back but minority males as well. This is taught in feminist and minority run sensitivity classes.  If anyone sees a minority male as an incompetent idiot or being assaulted in a commercial let me know.

Females do about 80 to 85% of the shopping for intact families and more if they are single. It makes marketing sense to reach them because they control the money. Its an interesting conundrum for the feminists who say we men control everything - is it not? Therefore, men (as common culture would have you believe) who are interested only in drinking beer, watching football, and driving their truck are a niche market for those products specifically "manly". (note the satire).

In Canada, courts award mom sole physical custody in over 90% of cases and this starts a pattern of behaviour that is negative for the child, and eventually will see 50% of dads out of touch with their children completely. They just give up trying to see them as they are constantly faced with a series of events trying to stop them, including gatekeeper, move away, and alienating moms. These moms are abusive to the children by denying a relationship with 50% of their DNA, and don't care about the negative impacts of dad not being around, only their selfish motives for revenge. Yes, there are some dads who take off, and moms too,  but they are a tiny minority. Common culture wants you to believe dads are not necessary but impacted children and science says otherwise.

Other dads who continue to see their children are further marginalized as the children approach and grow through their teens. When the kids get to adolescence they care little about either parent most of the time. Friends are their main preoccupation. This means those dads who kept trying to see the children get to see them even less. It’s very uncool to go to a movie and sometimes even shopping with a dad. Mine get a tad embarrassed at water parks as I am handicapped (loss of left arm) and scold me if I appear too clumsy at boarding some tube rides.  A father might be able to coax them away on holidays but all he has become and can do is the role of the Disney Dad. Trying to be a real dad which includes coaching to give them a moral compass can be perilous and result in them not wanting to see him at all for periods of time. No attempt at using discipline if they cross a boundary can work well most of the time given they can opt to not see you or want to return to their mom's immediately.
The author's figures on “one out of three kids is considered "fatherless” may be low. About 40% of children are now born in the USA out of wedlock to single moms. The dad will be sought for payment of support but little else. Baby making can be a way to getting a living from the taxpayers and the dad – even if he isn’t the biological father. The latter can happen through a variety of methods including falsifying information. These are called dead beat moms and they are growing in number.

Where shared and equal parenting has been introduced Divorce rates have gone down and more dads can stay in the lives of their children. Eventually society will understand the single mom model is a failure and not in the best interest of children.

In Canada we have Bill C-422 languishing in Parliament. Write your MP to get it passed for the sake of the children.

Leave it to a feminist Sociology Professor quoted in the article, Andrea Litvack,  to speak gobbley gook then point out a fictional family on a TV show as representing the real world.  I watch the show but often have to turn my head away at some of the antics of the prissy gay couple. Her bottom unspoken line is dad's are unnecessary.MJM

Absent dads – Hollywood rarely gets the story right


From Friday's Globe and Mail

Judging from the depiction of fatherhood in most movies, you’d think all dads are simply a variation on three stereotypes: a bumbling but lovable idiot, a distant workaholic or a nutcase. And that’s if he’s even around.
In Sofia Coppola’s film Somewhere, which opens today in limited release, a bored, womanizing movie star named Johnny Marco, played by reputed real-life womanizer Stephen Dorff, is left to care for Elle Fanning’s Cleo, the adolescent daughter he rarely sees, in the days before she leaves for summer camp.

More related to this story

Somewhere is not unlike Ms. Coppola’s other beautifully shot movies about beautiful girls (Lost in Translation, Marie Antoinette). But her new film is centred ona father who is, except for their week of video games and burgers, as unavailable to Cleo as he is preoccupied by strippers and sex. The sympathetic take on the relationship between Johnny Marco and his placid daughter is sweet, but far removed from the reality of most children of absent fathers.

The problems that affect the increasing number of children without dads (or with dads who drop haphazardly in and out of their lives) and the profound social issues they generate have been documented in many studies, most of them based in the United States, where one out of three kids is considered “fatherless.” The U.S.

Census Bureau notes that children who grow up without fathers are five times more likely to be poor. And the Journal of Adolescent Health reported last fall that upper-middle-class girls without dads are likely to experience early puberty, which has been linked to early drug use and sexual activity. Fatherlessness is routinely stated to be a major predictor of criminal behaviour and poor health. Boys who grow up without fathers have a greater likelihood of repeating the pattern.So why are so many films and television shows casual about bad dads?

Andrea Litvack is a professor of social work at the University of Toronto. Asked why absent fathers are something that Hollywood rarely gets right, she says: “It may not translate well because it’s a very complex issue. There are many combinations of factors that impact on anyone’s situation.”

Except for the disapproving glare that Cleo gives her dad over breakfast after a starlet spends the night, their relationship is portrayed as fun and undemanding. Whatever feelings she has about her father aren’t discussed. The other side of this Hollywood habit of diminishing an issue is that thorny social problems are sometimes exaggerated, which is no more plausible than Ms. Coppola’s withdrawn approach.

Paul Moore, who teaches sociology at Ryerson University, says that depicting a social problem “is a form of exposure even when it isn’t realistic.” He says that sometimes issues have to be glorified to work onscreen. This is especially true when it’s something that the audience may still be figuring out. Dr. Moore cites the 1979 classic Kramer vs. Kramer as an example, and says that while it was “revolutionary for its depiction of divorce at the time, we would now see it as utterly melodramatic.”

It’s unlikely that Hollywood will change its depictions of absent dads any time soon, but innovative ideas are out there to help combat the problem. Two years ago, Tom Matlack co-founded the Good Men Project, which includes a book, a magazine and a not-for-profit foundation dedicated to at-risk boys. Mr. Matlack says: “One of the core problems with manhood in America is that so many children grow up without fathers.”

He felt that no one was really talking to boys about issues such as death, divorce, war and sex, and when he speaks to audiences in places ranging from private schools to prisons, “jaws drop.” Mr. Matlack wants to make being an engaged and active dad appealing. “What a mother gives a child is obviously essential, [but] I think what a father gives a child is equally essential and different,” he says. “Every boy is asking themselves a question, ‘How do I be a man?’ and they’re looking for role models, mentors, clues.”

Prof. Litvack points to ABC’s hit sitcom Modern Family as an example of how much the family unit has changed in the past 50 years. “We have to stop thinking of the mother, the father, the two children, the white picket fence as the norm,” she says, and that in many families an absent father is “not necessarily perceived as a negative thing.”